Boundaries are more important now than ever,
but how do I set them so that I can meet my kids’ needs without sacrificing my own?
In this interview with Jackie Hyman of Mamas Crushing Fitness, I talk about the ONE thing that you can do through out the day, everyday, so that you can feel more present and patient, instead of feeling drained and resentful.
With your kids home, you are being constantly inundated by the pressure to meet their needs. Whether it practical or emotional, your obligation to your kids is contending with your pre-exiting and mounting stress of adult life.
In order to mantain a sense of balance, as well as stay present and patient with your kids, its so important that you set boundaries.
We often associate boundaries with limits and restrictions, but when it comes to relationships, boundaries make sure that everyone has space to exist and flourish. Not just your kids, but you as well.
In order to set a clear boundary, you have to indentify everyone’s needs and wants.
Easier said, than done.
For many different reasons, including socialization and early-childhood experiences, women, in particular, struggle to acknnowledge and advocate for their needs. Subsequently, our wants, wishes and desires become internally and unconsciously associated with shame and rejection. That is, simply allowing myself to want ignites feelings of fear and abandonment. That can be scary, so best not to even know that I want, let alone acknowledge and communicate it. Better yet, perhaps I will get what I want by satisfying the wants of others. That adaptation makes sense, but rarely works. Inevitably, many women are left feeling dissatisfied, drained and resentful making it difficult to not only feel good, but to recognize and satify your kids’ practical and emotional needs.
Here’s what you can do get your wants and needs met:
The remedy to this imbalance is establishing a clear boundary, which begins first and foremost by acknowleding that your wants exist. Like I said, we tend to put others’ needs before our own, but if you want to be their for others, your kids especially, you have to put yourself first.
How do I figure out what I want?
Considering the conflict we have with our wants and needs, it can be tricky, at first, to identify them. However, even if you don’t know what they are yet, they are there, they are real, and they matter. By simply asking yourself throughout the day, “What do I want?”, over time, you will become more accustomed to asking the question as well as eventually honing in on the answer.
Once you make space for your needs, wants, wishes and desires, you will be better equipped to not only recognize, but satisfy your kids’ needs. Not just the practical or material needs, but their primary need to be seen.
Furthermore, when you are at peace with your wanting, you are able to maturely communicate your wants and ensure that they are met.
Of course, we can’t always get what we want, but, by simply acknowledging that your wants exists, you are satifying the most basic need to be seen, understood and valued. When you are able to acknowledge and value your own wants and needs, then you are able to recognize your kids’ and help them develop their sense of value and purpose.
To learn more about boundaries, the secret to raising content, considerate and capable kids and everything you need to know to turn your day-to-day interactions into opportunities to nurture your kids’ growth and development, be sure to watch the FREE preview of my online course How to Set Boundaries That Work. Click here to get instant access to the preveiw.