Another week, and we’re still navigating this new and strange reality.
For the most part, I hope you’ve found your bearings, but if you are still feeling a little lost and out of control in life with kids, read on, because by the end of this email you’re going to know exactly what you can do to feel more confident and in control, even amidst the chaos and unpredictability of life these days.
Just to be sure that you’re in the right place, this post is for you if you’re trying your best to be a present and patient mom, and make the most of your day to day interactions with your kids, but can’t seem to consistently keep your cool.
You want to do right by your kids and, let’s be honest, you could do with a stronger dose of control and stability too.
I’m not just talking about navigating life with kids amidst Corona (you know, how much screen time is to much, and how to I do this “homeschooling” thing).
I’m talking about knowing how important these years are, in general, in forming your kids’ self esteem and resilience, and wanting to do the best you can to nurture their development as well as lasting relationships, no matter the circumstances …
But, understandably, you just get caught up in the stress of everyday life with kids, which makes it hard to actualize your vision of motherhood.
And these days, there’s no shortage of stress!
You’re a commited mom. You read books, parenting articles, and you’re even subscribed to my email list (!).
You’ve tried different techniques and approaches parenting, but no matter how much you want it to, nothing seems to work consistently.
Maybe you’re quick to ask for help, you seek advice and have even joined parenting groups (kudos!), or you’re like me, and most moms that I work with, and you’re accustomed to doing everything yourself and rarely ask for help, no matter how hard things get.
And boy, some days are really tough.
Well, if this sounds familiar, you’re in the right place, and you’re not alone.
And guess what!?
The first secret to improve your mood, and feel more present and patient with your kids is to acknowledge that you’re not the only one.
That’s not to say that some days it feels completely impossible to regain some sense of order and authority, but it does mean that you don’t have to feel as though you’re the only one or think that you’re somehow flawed.
You only have to join The Motherhood in the Making Community to know that at one point or another, every mom, including myself, feels totally lost, alone and out of control. It can seem scary and shameful if you think that you’re the only one, so rest assured that you’re not.
The second secret to improve your mood, and feel more present and patient with your kids is to understand why it’s so hard to feel calm, content and confident in your day to day interactions with your kids.
To break it down for you, there are 3 reasons why you keep losing it on your kids:
#1. You’re wired that way. Your brain functions to keep you safe. When it detects a threat, it will trigger your stress response mechanism so that you can react fast. The problem is, you’re brain often gets it wrong.That’s why you’ll snap at your toddler when they won’t stay in bed. Unless you can consciously override your stress response mechanisms, your brain will not be able to make the distinction between a tantrum and terrorist.
#2. The second reason you keep losing your cool and your sense of control, is because you have stuff going on under the surface, out of your awareness that is causing you to misinterpret your kids’ behavior and react. When your brain receives information from your senses about what’s going on on the outside, it will interpret the information before reacting. How does the brain know what meaning to attribute to the incoming information? The answer is experience.
The reason you react to your kids, is because your brain is using your experiences in life, particularly your experience of being parented, to inform your responses. Sometimes that works in our favor, and sometimes it doesn’t. Like when I micromanage my kids in the kitchen the same way my mom would get stressed out when I would try to help. I don’t mean to do it. In fact I’d like to interact with my kids in an entirely different way, but my will is not enough to undo learned behaviours, perceptions and pattern of relating.
#3 The third reason, which I appreciate the most because it is just so real, is that you don’t know what you’re doing!
Let’s face it, these kids don’t come with a manual. Even a Masters in Psychology didn’t give me the tools one needs to tackle this practically, mentally and emotionally demanding task.
Coming into this gig, all we know is from the model we were given from our parents. Maybe, like me, you’ve read the parenting books to fill in the blanks, but you still find yourself falling into old patterns, and your dream to build loving and lasting relationship still seems uncertain.
Even if you have positive associations with your own childhood, your kids are completely different and unique individuals. You still have to figure out who they are and how to relate to them.
But if you’re like most moms I work with, whose childhoods did not go well, you feel even less equipped.
So, you know you’re not alone and it’s normal and common to feel out of your depths and lost, but who’s asking themselves, “What can I do to stay calm and feel confident that I’m doing a good job?”
Let’s jump into secret #3: Here’s what you need to do to improve your mood, and feel more present and patient with your kids:
1. You need to rewire your automatic reactions so that instead of unconsciously reacting, you can stay calm and thoughtfully choose how to respond to you kids.
2. You need to figure out what’s going on for your kids, so that you don’t miss opportunities to connect with your child and your relationship together.
3. Figure out what’s really going on for you under the surface causing you to misinterpret your kids’ behavior and react. Unless you bring that stuff into awareness it’s going to keep triggering your automatic reactions and keep you from nurturing the connections and building the relationships you want to have with your kids.
Now that you know the 3 secrets to improve your mood, and feel more present and patient with your kids, do you want to know how to do it?
Awesome! Because I have really exciting news.
If it’s okay with you, I’d like to tell you about the upcoming 12 week online program I’m running starting April 26th (that’s in 10 days for those of us who aren’t following tue calendar).
The premise of this group is to harness this wacky and challenging time in our lives to actually feel calmer, more confident and content in life, and motherhood.
This program is a support group for moms is not just a place where you will get reliable and consistent encouragement, validation and guidance, but this peogram will also give you the practical guidance you need to actually figure out how to handle your day to day challenges with your kids, like getting your them to cooperate, and taming tantrums? Here’s how the program is going work:
Over the course of the 12 week program you’ll (1) get access to a recorded lesson each week that tackles a different step toward becoming more present and patient with your kids.
Then (2) we’ll meet as a group each week over ZOOM to discuss what you’ve learned, ask questions and get individualized support.
Not only will you get the support and guidance of the lessons and group meetings, but (3) you’ll also get practical exercises each week to practice over the week to come, (4) as well as priority access to me in the Motherhood in the Making Community, AND over messenger, to touch base with any questions that come up over the course of the week.
I’m pretty excited about this!!!
Especially because I have seen the transformation that happens in this program. Here’s what one participant said after the last 12 week program I ran:
“When I joined Liba’s program, I was feeling like I was too often losing my patience/calm/temper, or feeling powerless and not able to parent as I wish I could. I wanted to feel more confident to set and enforce boundaries without feeling guilty or doubting myself, while at the same time, improving my relationships with my kids. I wanted to give my kids the love and support that they need without burning out and losing myself. Liba’s program gave me a better understanding of how to set appropriate boundaries and foster healthy and close relationships with my kids. I now have a better understanding of how my personal issues can cloud my experience with my kids which has allowed me to react more effectively to my kids and enjoy them more. Plus the support and validation from Liba and the other moms in the group was invaluable. I highly recommend this program”.
Maybe you’re thinking that you can’t possibly consider committing to anything now because life right now is so unpredictable. Everything seems to be up in the air.
Tell me about it!
But, what better time to join a program that offers the stability and predictability that you’re missing, than now? Imagine how comforting and supportive it would feel to know that you’re not alone, you have a likeminded group of women to turn too for validation and support, plus you’ll be doing something proactive to regain your sense of control and security.
hmmmm, this sounds good, but what time are the meetings?
The short video lessons will be available to view at your own convenience. As for the 60 minute group meetings, there will be two groups to suit everyone’s schedule: one at 9am and another at 8:30pm (the day of the week is yet to be decided). So if you can’t make it one week in the morning, you can join the evening session, and visa versa.
Hmmm, I might be able to swing that, but what will I get out of it?
When you join the program, here’s what you’ll learn:
*How to stop your knee jerk reactions, so you can respond thoughtfully to your kids.
*How to figure out what’s going on in your kid’s head.
*How to recognize, understand and manage big emotions, yours and theirs, so you can feel more in control and be more present and patient with your kids.
*How to identify hidden beliefs and expectations that are triggering your reactions.
*How to tackle guilt, self-judgment and criticism so you can feel more confident in yourself and your parenting.
*How to stop yourself BEFORE you react.
*Turn your day-to-day struggles into opportunities to nurture your kids’ development.
*How to repair ruptures when things don’t go right.
*How to nurture loving and lasting relationships with your kids so you can take joy in the fleeting moments of your kids’ childhood.
PLUS when you join the program you’ll also get:
A crash course in Mindfulness for Motherhood: Practical skills to stay calm when life with kids gets chaotic (a 200 shekel value!)
Access to the complete course How to Set Boundaries That Work (a 300 shekel value!)
Here’s what another past participant had to say about my program:
“Liba gives you the tools to begin answering the tough questions and get to the bottom of why you respond the way you do when you become overwhelmed with motherhood, and ultimately, she helps you find and develop strategies to be the mom you want to be. “
Sounds good, but I’m not sure that I can really afford to part with a chunk of money right now.
I hear that!
Times are tight, and you might be thinking that for what you get, this program is going to be way out of your budget!
But I want to make sure that money isn’t what holds you back from getting all of the help and support you need and want, that’s why I’m offering membership to program at a reduced rate of 300NIS per month 🤯 for 3 months (instead of the usual 500 NIS/month) so if something is going to hold you back, it won’t be the money. (For those of you in the States that’s $85/month for three months)
“Liba teaches you techniques to get in touch with yourself, and your reactions so that you can be better equipped to handle the challenges of parenting.” Our first meeting is only ten days away, plus, spaces are limited, so if you want to grab your spot, just click here let me know.