Like in any relationship, you and your kid are separate people with your own wants, wishes and desires, so conflicts and battles of will are to be expected. In fact, they’re even important to your relationship with your kids and their emotional development.
The parent-child relationship, in particular, is especially unique, because it’s how we manage our kids’ needs, particularly when we can’t meet them, that shapes the way they perceive themselves, interact with others, and behave in the world around them.
So the real challenge is balancing your kids’ needs while setting limits on their behavior.
In other words, you can’t always get what you want, but that doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with what you want, or that it’s not super hard to tolerate the disappointment of not getting what you want.
Ultimately, when it comes to conflict with our kids, a battle of wills, instead of thinking about where you’re going wrong as a parent, or thinking that “there must be something wrong with this kid! “, the goal is to create a dynamic of understanding the misunderstandings.
It’s not about avoiding conflict, rather it’s about maintaining a sense of connection in spite of the conflict, a knowing that I (primarily the child) am heard and valued, even if our needs are at odds, as well as being able repair any ruptures in our connection.
To create a dynamic of understanding, the next time your kid acts up, you’re going to want to catch yourself in thoughts of blame, and then, turn your attention to your own needs, wants and wishes, as well as wondering what is happening in the mind of your child.
I talk more about this in the tutorial series I created 5 Steps to Stop Reacting and Start Responding to Your Kids that you can access here www.motherhoodinthemaking.com/tutorial-sign-up
I will also be running a Reflective Parenting group for moms in Jerusalem starting October 27th. If you’d like more details or you’d like to reserve your spot, feel free to comment below or PM me.
Thanks for watching❤️